Ahh, you old devil Motivation. Of all the demons I face, you are my biggest bane, you are the homonculous that rides upon my shoulder, you little bat-winged leather monster, you shadow Djinn, you horror. Now that I am paying a little more attention to my habits, I am seeing clearly the pattern I have, between days of adequate energy followed by days when it is a struggle to get anything done, I just want to sit on the couch and watch tv,
I haven’t written much today. I did finally get motivated to clean the house, and I do plan on getting my five pages by tonight, but it has been harder and harder the last few days. Happily, I do seem to be able to overcome it, but I have to be aware of doing it in the first place! Since I was very young, motivation has always been a bugaboo for me. I failed in school from kindergarten to my senior year of high school, when I dropped out. I quit Tae Kwon Do when I was six months from getting my black belt.
In 1998, I started climbing mountains. Beginning with Mt. Thielsen near Crater Lake, Oregon, I have climbed 3/4 of the Cascade Range volcanoes, I have climbed the Grand Teton in Wyoming, I have climbed Mt. Shuksan in the North Cascades, Wheeler Peak in Nevada. In a single day I climbed the two highest peaks in the Eagle Cap Wilderness, while in the Sky Lakes Wilderness my brother and I climbed five peaks over 7000′ in just a few hours. There have certainly been my share of failures in that time, but I have had far more successes. The point I am trying to make is that through the action-centered pursuits of mountaineering and rock climbing, I have learned how to be a success, I have learned patience, determination, and a stronger will.
I can fight through these low-energy days, and find the desire to get the work done. It just needs to become an established habit that I always, always push through it.
AT 41 years old, I don’t have forever anymore. I have to do this now.